Guilt, it creeps up on you when you least expect it. It makes you feel bad for the stupidest things; like not wanting to wear the puke colored taffeta dress your great aunt’s sister’s cousin made one hundred years ago; or having to just say “no” regarding…well, just about anything.  Guilt, can lead you down a path of making all your decisions based on what other people want ,and in the end you’ll end up having someone else’s wedding, not your own. Truly, guilt should be a dirty word.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t listen to suggestions or get as many opinions as you can personally handle. But everyone has a vision of what they want and unfortunately it can get diluted. We’ve all heard the phrase “too many cooks in the kitchen… Well we could say here there are “too many brides in the wedding.” If you have something set in your mind trust it,  just don’t be a big B about it.

To help counteract the inevitable guilt I’ve come up with a list of things you SHOULD NOT feel guilty about when it comes to YOUR wedding.

 

1. What you will or will not wear. Your mother’s dress, your great aunt’s cousin’s dress it doesn’t matter whose it used to be, you don’t have to wear it.

2. Theme/colors, while I’m a firm believer in getting opinions regarding this, don’t let your vision get trampled. If you want your bridesmaids in a leotard and tutu because you’ve always had a vision of a Swan Lake Ballet wedding then by God girl you go get yourself a ballet wedding. (currently shuddering in disgust at the possibility of this…but hey, not my wedding)

3. Saying no to kids or the plus ones.  It’s your wedding and don’t you dare feel bad that you don’t want people to bring their children or a guest with them. Children count as mouths to feed,  and that’s money that can be spent somewhere else, same with the plus ones. That friend from college who you invited that usually has a stable of men or women around doesn’t need to bring their flavor of the week…

4. This one’s a little more general, but it has to do with your vendors. Whether it’s your florist or DJ, photographer or caterer, while they are professionals and do have a wealth of knowledge, that doesn’t mean they get to trump your vision. Listen carefully to what they suggest though, a lot of times they can take your vision to the next level (the really good ones can) but don’t let their knowledge intimidate you either.

5. Budget, don’t get pushed into spending more than you want or can afford. Money is a hard one to speak up about. You may just want to hide your head in the sand and come out when the coast is clear (that is what I currently do regarding my bills…you mean it didn’t pay itself??) but it’s YOUR wedding and maybe you or others are paying for it, so feel free and do not feel guilty when you may have to say the words “I’m sorry, but we can’t afford it.” There is nothing wrong with that.

I’ll leave you with wise words from a best friend of mine when guilt gets you down BAAAAAD and you’re looking for a hug when no one is around  and for the guilt to go away. Do this:

step1: place right hand on left shoulder
step2: place left hand on right shoulder
step3: smoosh arms down onto chest and squeeeeeze (twisting side to side from the waist while doing so is optional)

Step 4. Breathe and keep breathing.

 

Cheers,